Snappy Comebacks
by Eilis Flynn
We've all experienced it at one time or another. Say you're at a party and someone asks you what you do. You say you write romances. Then you have to stop yourself from rolling your eyes (or aiming a well-placed kick) when you get an answer that's borderline rude, if not completely rude (in the guise of "humor") -- something like, "That can't be hard! Just slap some words about a few body parts together on paper and you got yourself a book!" Hardy har har. What you need is a snappy comeback. So I asked around about favorite comebacks in such situations, and here's a sampling of the answers I received:
From Robin Kaye: I was sitting at my daughter's dance class and a newly divorced father sat beside me. He congratulated me on my book deal (he saw an article in the local paper) and asked what kind of book it was. I answered that it was a romantic comedy and of course he said, "I don't read those." I told him that was a shame and left it at that. When he asked why, I told him that here are books written by women about relationships with their dream men. Wouldn't he like to know what women really want in a man and from a man?
From Julie Brannaugh: When people ask me the question we all love ("How do you do your research?"), I tell them that my husband is tired yet happy. They don't quite know what to say to that one.
From Marcia James: Here's [a snappy comeback] I use with the men who come by during booksignings. When they find out we're signing romances, they usually start to leave. But I say, "You know how men are always wondering what women want? Well, there are tons of hints in romance novels. They're like an insider's guide filled with secrets men should know." If confronted with a particularly snarky person who calls my books trash, I mention that PSYCHOLOGY TODAY magazine did a survey that showed that women who read romances have sex 73% more often than women who don't. Then I look at the person pityingly, since it's obvious they don't have a full, satisfying love life.
From Kate Douglas: The classic, of course, is, "But you don't LOOK like you write those books!" And my answer is, "No, I look like a 58-year-old grandmother of four, which is what I am. I also write really sexy books about shapeshifters." (It's hard to insult Grandma.) The most irritating comment, of course, comes when I say I write romance: "Why would you want to write THOSE books?" I always answer honestly -- because I love the happy ending. There's enough misery in the world and I love a book that makes me feel hopeful when I turn the last page. Of course, there's the standard: "When are you going to write a real book?" And to that, I can honestly say, "When my contracts run out and they stop sending me all those lovely checks."
Snappy comebacks are an art, as you can see. And it's an art we should all develop. Here's a site where you can be inspired on your way to snappy comeback zen.
And here's what you've been reading for: the how-tos-of snappy combackdom. Go forth and snap, my children.
And the last word and the ultimate comeback, from Julia Hunter: "So ... you don't like sex?"
(reprinted with permission from Eilis Flynn)